I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
