break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
