You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
