Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
