capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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