I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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