I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
