I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
