My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
