Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
