So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
