Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize