Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
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What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
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Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
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