if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
