You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
