i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he thought i was a dude.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
