Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
