If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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