Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
