dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
