Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
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So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
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I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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