Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
