Only a mothe r could love this liver
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
