You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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