If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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