I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
