Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
