You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
