mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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