Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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