Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
