I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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