Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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