Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
