Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
