I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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