woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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