Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
