I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
