He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
