i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
