He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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