A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
