I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
