The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
