even my farts smell like vagina
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
