I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
