i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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