if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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