FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
