every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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