I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
