Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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