That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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