oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
