People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
