If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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